OFF THE CUFF

Recently I sat back and tried to take a look at my life as if through a photograph. With varying colours and formats showing and defining the various stages of maturity as it may be called. I found that I still think the same thoughts , feel the same emotions aches pains and vunerabilities but as I age things are less clear. As with my vision clouded over by previous surgery to correct cataracts. I still see but things are not as focused as before it’s as if I walk around in a daze searching for a clearer path yet all I find is a narrowing of my senses. My once considered sarcastic wit is now replaced with the ramblings of an older and yes sometimes bitter man. I no longer can hear the sweetness of my wives voice as she calls me to bed at night. What I hear is something totally different than was actually said and I ponder is it me as I argue and insist they speak up and not mumble. Walking which once was as easy as breathing has now become a painful regret that I even attempted it and once again the bitter old man comes out arguing what was the purpose of this useless outing and when we do go out the utmost thought is to return to the comfort and safety of home . Where I can bask in the memories of my youth and the accomplishments I made yesteryear.
A time when the simpliest of things brought such joy. The smell of my wife’s hair , her gentle longing kiss that seemed to last forever transporting me to a heaven I had never known. Yet now this bitter old man with his rusty medals and throphies wishes to start all over again, but his armour is tarnished as is his spirit taken away by the cancer that once threatened his life and the Lupus that reminds him daily how frail he really is. But the mind remembers his little girl running up to kiss him saying I love you Daddy can we sing again. His voice no longer holds unto what will be, but what was never meant to be. His wife patiently sits by his side wipes his brow and listens to his wining she too is tired, tired of all they have come through these many many years. Her commitment to him is steadfast. For better or worse with most of the time the later being prevalent. Is it love? What else can explain how this once young beauty remained with him. Only she knows the secrets deep within her heart and this she will take with her to her last breath. While he suffers miserably through the remaing years. Void of exisitance